When couples struggle to survive an affair, they may select care as a choice. Initially there's relief because they feel just like the consultant understands their heartache and can sincerely provide them with help. What may surprise them nevertheless, is the feeling that they are moving two steps forward and one step back.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for therapy, what they might not realize is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Only two wear skin, but the third is just as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked better half experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath might be displayed by anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is always at work impacting the direction therapy will take. Will the consultant help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed member of the relationship? Anger will decide.
The betraying partner may be unable to identify her own anger in the primary sessions because she could be working awfully tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By ignoring her anger nevertheless, she is not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, discontent, and acrimony that led straight to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the consultant fails to recognize her outrage in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In recovery from cheating, angriness must be identified and met head on by all players in treatment. Ignoring angriness doesn't make it depart; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for therapy, what they might not realize is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Only two wear skin, but the third is just as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, which the tricked better half experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath might be displayed by anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is always at work impacting the direction therapy will take. Will the consultant help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed member of the relationship? Anger will decide.
The betraying partner may be unable to identify her own anger in the primary sessions because she could be working awfully tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By ignoring her anger nevertheless, she is not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, discontent, and acrimony that led straight to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the consultant fails to recognize her outrage in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In recovery from cheating, angriness must be identified and met head on by all players in treatment. Ignoring angriness doesn't make it depart; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
About the Author:
Dr. Kate Walker is a licensed professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article goes over coping with anger and managing anger when counseling couples that are dealing with adultery.
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