Welcome to the world of online dating. It's an exciting concept, that just a few mouse clicks away you could find the perfect partner. Today I want to talk about one of the most important aspects of online dating, your profile pictures.
Your profile picture is worth 1000 words, and 100 dates.
Oh, you didn't think you would be able to do this without a picture at all, did you?
Now also put up your hand if you hoped you could use a selfie from your phone or an old photo with other people in it?
Tut, tut, tut.
Let me say this clearly: yes you need a photo. Why would you even bother to put together a profile if you are going to then shoot yourself in the foot by refusing to show your face? And then you need to make sure it's an asset, not a liability.
The clever people in white coats have found that most people are cautious about online dating because they feel they can't verify the information. As humans we are used to reading body language and other cues to decide if what we are being told is true. Online, because there are fewer cues, we suddenly place a lot more meaning on the remaining ones. So people are going to be reading a lot into your photo, or lack thereof.
In order to come across as honest, you need to support what you are saying with as much evidence as possible. Your photo is one of the strongest supports you can give, because it is the least manipulable. (Yes, you can Photoshop it, but that is way harder than just typing 'I'm super sexy'. Think about it.) So you need a photo - well, actually a few.
So just to reinforce, you need photos, and you need to know what they are saying. If you put up a photo that you have clearly taken yourself, then it is going to be read as saying you have no friends. Sad, but true.
Don't panic. While bad photos can scream a lot of different things, just for you I've gone through the most common mistakes that are made online, and exactly what these types of photos say about you. Avoid them, and you will be doing well.
1. Pictures of Something Else
There are a number of people out there who include a picture of a sunset or a dog as their primary photograph. I can't decide if this is better or worse than not having a photo at all. You might be trying to suggest you like good scenery, but overall it does not come across well. Why don't you want people to see your face? There could be a number of reasons, but none of them are good, and people naturally assume the worst. Yes, you might want to show that you are a dog-lover, but this message is much more effective if you are also in the picture. Otherwise people think the message is that your dog is your more attractive side.
2. Me with All My Mates
Why would you do this? It seems ridiculous to me, but I've seen it so many times it's made the list. First of all, it shows that you haven't put any effort into creating your profile. You couldn't even be bothered to find a photo of just you. Second, every girl will always assume that you are the most unattractive guy in the photo. Now, if part of your profile message is that you have really great mates, then you might want a photo of all of you doing things. However, this would not be your primary photo. And even then, there is always the risk of the girl going 'hmm... that other guy's cuter...'. So overall I don't recommend it. If you have to, recreate the photo with just you.
3. Me and My Hot Ex
Posting a picture of you with a member of the opposite sex is not actually helping your cause. You might think you are showing that you have pulled well before, but that's not how it's going to come across. While browsing online, most people are critical and defensive. They are not going to judge you kindly for showing them a picture of someone hotter than they are. There are no real advantages, and many potential disadvantages, so just avoid it.
4. Making Yourself Appear Ugly On Purpose
Please keep in mind that it will be assumed that your worst shot is what you actually look like most of the time. It also seems that you are hiding behind humor because you are insecure about your looks. This is a killer for online attraction ratings. Confidence is what you are going for. Funny and still amazingly attractive is the branding you want.
5. The Decapitated Shot
Okay so you have a great body, thanks for showing that. But would it really have been that hard to zoom out and show that you have a brain as well? Particularly for women, photos of bodies with no heads are disturbing. It also screams that you objectify your own and everyone else's bodies. Not a great message for most dating sites.
6. Outdated Photos
All of your photos need to be reasonably up to date, with the primary photo being taken in the last few months. You look great as you are, and have matured well, so be confident. It is usually pretty obvious if someone hasn't put up a recent photo, because no 40 year old actually looks like that. But even if you don't get found out now, you are just leading to in person rejection - not because you're bad looking, but because you are not what they expected. Now you look older and like a liar, or just seriously insecure, which is not attractive either. Even though a lot of people do feel that an out-dated photo is still legitimate, if you are prepared to put some time in now, you can definitely take an even better photo. Recreate your favorite shot if that makes you feel better, but add in some extra clues to your achievements since then.
7. My Professional Glamor Shot
If you are a model, and have been paid to have your photo taken, then sure, go ahead an include one of them (this will support your self-statements). In any other circumstance, I recommend not using professional glamor shots in your profile. If you have paid someone to take photos of you, this often comes across as self-indulgent. Further, they are known to be unrealistic and touched up, so people don't trust them anyway. Even if you love the picture, I recommend trying to recreate a more realistic version yourself.
8. Me While I'm Drunk
No. Not even if your profile message is 'likes a good time'. You are not attractive when you are drunk. No one is. That's pretty much all I've got to say on this.
9. Where Are You Photos
Any photo where you are not the main focus or difficult to discern probably shouldn't be used. While you want to support your other attributes with photos, you also want to make sure each one clearly shows that you are an attractive human being, and all the other photos weren't just flukes. Unless you have more than four other photos clearly showing your face, I wouldn't waste the opportunity.
If you are prepared to go out and make a day of taking some great, fresh and creative shots, you never have to fear the online profile photo. So go and have fun.
Your profile picture is worth 1000 words, and 100 dates.
Oh, you didn't think you would be able to do this without a picture at all, did you?
Now also put up your hand if you hoped you could use a selfie from your phone or an old photo with other people in it?
Tut, tut, tut.
Let me say this clearly: yes you need a photo. Why would you even bother to put together a profile if you are going to then shoot yourself in the foot by refusing to show your face? And then you need to make sure it's an asset, not a liability.
The clever people in white coats have found that most people are cautious about online dating because they feel they can't verify the information. As humans we are used to reading body language and other cues to decide if what we are being told is true. Online, because there are fewer cues, we suddenly place a lot more meaning on the remaining ones. So people are going to be reading a lot into your photo, or lack thereof.
In order to come across as honest, you need to support what you are saying with as much evidence as possible. Your photo is one of the strongest supports you can give, because it is the least manipulable. (Yes, you can Photoshop it, but that is way harder than just typing 'I'm super sexy'. Think about it.) So you need a photo - well, actually a few.
So just to reinforce, you need photos, and you need to know what they are saying. If you put up a photo that you have clearly taken yourself, then it is going to be read as saying you have no friends. Sad, but true.
Don't panic. While bad photos can scream a lot of different things, just for you I've gone through the most common mistakes that are made online, and exactly what these types of photos say about you. Avoid them, and you will be doing well.
1. Pictures of Something Else
There are a number of people out there who include a picture of a sunset or a dog as their primary photograph. I can't decide if this is better or worse than not having a photo at all. You might be trying to suggest you like good scenery, but overall it does not come across well. Why don't you want people to see your face? There could be a number of reasons, but none of them are good, and people naturally assume the worst. Yes, you might want to show that you are a dog-lover, but this message is much more effective if you are also in the picture. Otherwise people think the message is that your dog is your more attractive side.
2. Me with All My Mates
Why would you do this? It seems ridiculous to me, but I've seen it so many times it's made the list. First of all, it shows that you haven't put any effort into creating your profile. You couldn't even be bothered to find a photo of just you. Second, every girl will always assume that you are the most unattractive guy in the photo. Now, if part of your profile message is that you have really great mates, then you might want a photo of all of you doing things. However, this would not be your primary photo. And even then, there is always the risk of the girl going 'hmm... that other guy's cuter...'. So overall I don't recommend it. If you have to, recreate the photo with just you.
3. Me and My Hot Ex
Posting a picture of you with a member of the opposite sex is not actually helping your cause. You might think you are showing that you have pulled well before, but that's not how it's going to come across. While browsing online, most people are critical and defensive. They are not going to judge you kindly for showing them a picture of someone hotter than they are. There are no real advantages, and many potential disadvantages, so just avoid it.
4. Making Yourself Appear Ugly On Purpose
Please keep in mind that it will be assumed that your worst shot is what you actually look like most of the time. It also seems that you are hiding behind humor because you are insecure about your looks. This is a killer for online attraction ratings. Confidence is what you are going for. Funny and still amazingly attractive is the branding you want.
5. The Decapitated Shot
Okay so you have a great body, thanks for showing that. But would it really have been that hard to zoom out and show that you have a brain as well? Particularly for women, photos of bodies with no heads are disturbing. It also screams that you objectify your own and everyone else's bodies. Not a great message for most dating sites.
6. Outdated Photos
All of your photos need to be reasonably up to date, with the primary photo being taken in the last few months. You look great as you are, and have matured well, so be confident. It is usually pretty obvious if someone hasn't put up a recent photo, because no 40 year old actually looks like that. But even if you don't get found out now, you are just leading to in person rejection - not because you're bad looking, but because you are not what they expected. Now you look older and like a liar, or just seriously insecure, which is not attractive either. Even though a lot of people do feel that an out-dated photo is still legitimate, if you are prepared to put some time in now, you can definitely take an even better photo. Recreate your favorite shot if that makes you feel better, but add in some extra clues to your achievements since then.
7. My Professional Glamor Shot
If you are a model, and have been paid to have your photo taken, then sure, go ahead an include one of them (this will support your self-statements). In any other circumstance, I recommend not using professional glamor shots in your profile. If you have paid someone to take photos of you, this often comes across as self-indulgent. Further, they are known to be unrealistic and touched up, so people don't trust them anyway. Even if you love the picture, I recommend trying to recreate a more realistic version yourself.
8. Me While I'm Drunk
No. Not even if your profile message is 'likes a good time'. You are not attractive when you are drunk. No one is. That's pretty much all I've got to say on this.
9. Where Are You Photos
Any photo where you are not the main focus or difficult to discern probably shouldn't be used. While you want to support your other attributes with photos, you also want to make sure each one clearly shows that you are an attractive human being, and all the other photos weren't just flukes. Unless you have more than four other photos clearly showing your face, I wouldn't waste the opportunity.
If you are prepared to go out and make a day of taking some great, fresh and creative shots, you never have to fear the online profile photo. So go and have fun.
About the Author:
Looking for a comprehensive book on creating a better online dating profile? Check out The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles on Amazon or see Buffy's website 100 First Drafts.
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